Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
