chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
