Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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