just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
