lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
