Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
even my farts smell like vagina
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
