he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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