It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
