If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
