Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
