Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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