i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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