and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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