I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
