have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
