Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize