Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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