I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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