haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
