Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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