just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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