Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
