Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
