I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize