Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
