you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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