a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
