man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
tell me about the fingering
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
