Welp...herpes.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
