I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
