You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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