I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
