sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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