I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
