It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
