it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
