That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
