I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
