So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
