Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
