sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize