Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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