So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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