I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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