May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
