WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
