She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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