Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I will die if light touches me.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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