I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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