We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I did not marry a roomba.
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