i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
