So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
