I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
