So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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