You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
