Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
