New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Randomize
