girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
