Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
