OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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