I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
