Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
