All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My vagina is officially offended.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
