I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
