All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
