I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
