I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
