I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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