Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
