im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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