if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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