Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
