I cannot find my penis.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
