dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The best revenge is premature balding
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
