One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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