Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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