I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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