I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
