24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
