i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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