After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize