No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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