this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
