Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
