just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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