It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
