even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
