Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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