Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
