Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
