Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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