THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
