I can't breathe out the right side of my face
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
