as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
