I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
should my penis look like a turkey
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My feet surprised me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize