I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
