i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
