Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
